I Woke Up at 2am to Find Some High School Dropout on Substack Shitposting Memes Calling Me a Pedophile
In Which a Welfare-Funded, Alcoholic 'Patriot' Explains Christianity to an Ordained Minister From His Obama Phone at 2am
Wednesday did this to me.
Not the day of the week. The Netflix show. Season 2 of Wednesday, which is a television program about a goth teenage girl designed for an audience of Gen Z kids who wear black eyeliner to the Walgreens and consider mild dissociation a personality. I have 300 channels on cable. I turned on Wednesday anyway, because my Japanese sort-of-girlfriend (she is a girl and she is my friend, so that counts) mentioned once that it was a good show. It might be. I will never know. It bored me unconscious twenty minutes in.
I woke up at 2am, which is when I wake up now, because something in me decided years ago that a normal sleep schedule was for people who had not chosen the hobojournalist lifestyle. I did what I always do at 2am. I opened Substack.
That is when I found the meme.
It was made on an Obama phone using Elon Musk’s Grok AI, because I am absolutely certain this man is too stupid to add text to an image in Photoshop let alone pay for a copy (That program is freakin’ expensive!).
He is clearly some nobody who thinks he is somebody with far too much time on his hands because he does not appear to have a job.
(Notice it had zero likes, comments, or shares.)
He signed it “Molon Labe Patriot.”
There is a name for what Molon Labe Patriot did. Psychologists call it projection. Propagandists call it accusation in a mirror. It is the oldest move in the abuser’s playbook and it has been the oldest move since people figured out that the loudest finger-pointer in the room is usually pointing away from his own basement. The cheating husband convinced his wife is cheating. The embezzling accountant convinced everybody at the office is stealing. The trailer trash drunk with a case full of Pabst, more guns than braincells, and two crying kids that spend their childhood terrified their father is going to touch them again? The pattern is so consistent it is practically a diagnostic criterion.
Normal people do not reach into a hat and pull out the word “pedophile” to throw at a stranger on the internet. That word has to come from somewhere. It comes from the room in your head you keep locked, the one with the search history you clear twice a day and the browser tabs you close real fast when your wife walks in the room. You needed it off you for five minutes. A stranger on Substack was the nearest available surface.
But since we are here, let’s talk about who Molon Labe Patriot actually is.
“Molon labe” is a phrase attributed to Leonidas of Sparta, who said it to Xerxes of Persia at Thermopylae in 480 BC when Xerxes demanded the Spartan army surrender. It means “come and take them.” It is a classical expression of defiance that has since been adopted, in the modern era, primarily by high school dropouts living in trailers all around this great nation as the clarion call for gun rights. This is probably not what Leonidas had in mind, but history is full of disappointments.
Molon Labe Patriot is the kind of man who probably sits on his back porch in his underwear shooting songbirds, Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a rifle in the other, blasting Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd so loud his elderly neighbor would be calling the state police right now if she could just find her dang hearing aids.
I know this type intimately. I was raised by this type.
My father dropped out of high school at sixteen to join a biker gang and spent most of my childhood explaining to me that I had ruined his life. He was VERY into guns. He was VERY into Pabst Blue Ribbon. My dad (probably) is not a pedophile (I hope), but he is what I would describe as total white trash, and I have a feeling he and Molon Labe Patriot would get along beautifully, given that they appear to share a matching set of 30 total brain cells each.
Here is what Molon Labe Patriot lists on his Substack profile:
“Husband, Father, Patriot. White Christian Conservative. Independent Voter. The U.S. Constitution is the ONLY Authority I recognize. 1st and 2nd Amendment Defender. Voted for Trump 3 times. I’m his boss, he works for me.”
He opens with a cross emoji and “Husband, Father, Patriot,” which functions on the internet exactly like a skull-and-crossbones on a bottle of bleach. It is a warning label. It means something is about to come out of this man that a husband, father, and patriot should not say, and he is pre-loading the credentials to soften the landing. In this case what came out was a pedophile accusation at 2am. The cross emoji had a very long night.
He calls himself a “white Christian conservative,” which requires a brief observation from someone who, unlike Molon Labe Patriot, has actually read the source material: Yeshua ben Yosef was a Hebrew from Galilee. Not “white” in the sense that Molon Labe Patriot understands the term “white.” (I would have put “understands” in quotes as well but the sentence was getting a little stuffy in there.)
My guess is this man has never read the Bible. It is just another surrogate for his small penis, a weapon to own the libtards with, because he has never been capable of achieving anything requiring sustained intellectual effort. He has therefore become a pantomime parody of a human being whose entire existence is devoted to protecting billionaire pedophile elitist interests, spending his days shitposting on Substack while his welfare checks dissolve into Pabst Blue Ribbon and ammo.
He also claims to be an “independent voter” who voted for Trump three times, which is internally contradictory in a way he has not noticed, and which tracks with the 30 brain cells.
For the record: I voted for Trump in 2016. I fell for the pitch. I now know better. Anyone still aboard at this point I suspect has a profoundly disgusting attraction to small children. Like Molon Labe Patriot.
He says the Constitution is the ONLY authority he recognizes. Not God. Not Christ. Not the commandment about bearing false witness that he stepped over on his way to make that meme. A piece of paper written by Freemasons 250 years ago is the ONLY authority this White Christian Conservative recognizes.
He put a cross on his profile and told you exactly what he actually worships.
It is not the cross.
Now here is the part where I tell you I am not even slightly surprised by any of this, because I have met Molon Labe Patriot approximately ten thousand times. He wears different names and different profile pictures but he is always the same man, running the same script, and the script was written for him by people considerably smarter and considerably more evil than he will ever understand. Molon Labe Patriot and the hive mind of halfwits he belongs to are so programmatically predictable that I can tell you with 90% accuracy exactly what he is going to say in the comments before he even says it, because the CIA’s X feed already told him what to say about anyone pointing out that Trump’s name appears over 500,000 times in the unredacted Epstein files.
He is going to call me a RINO with TDS. That is response number one. It is always response number one.
He is going to call me a demoncrap libtard, which will be particularly interesting given that I have been a registered Republican since I was eighteen years old. I am now reconsidering this, because my party might as well change its name to the Freemasonic Pedophile Association of America. For that matter so might the Democratic party, because there is no party system anymore. There are just billionaires who worship Satan, and the media they own, and the millions of double-digit IQ Americans whose minds they rent.
And then, inevitably, he is going to say he “owned” me. Because that is what morbidly obese trailer trash high school dropout types do when you hold a mirror up to their hideousness. They never sought to improve themselves a single day of their lives. They have been glued to a television set since childhood. They are too proud, in the particularly sad way that people with nothing are proud, to accept the fact that they are literal human garbage destined for Gehenna with all the other burning refuse after judgment.
Do not be like this guy.
I was born into that nightmare. I know exactly what it smells like from the inside. I did every single thing I could to get out of it, and I got out of it, and I got out of it for a reason.
Push yourself to be greater than a welfare check and a case of generic beer and a rifle pointed at songbirds from the back porch of a trailer park. You were made for more than that.
Molon Labe Patriot was not interested in finding out how much more. That is between him and whatever he actually worships.
His elderly neighbor gave up looking for those hearing aids. She doesn’t want to hear the screams of this man’s abused children.
Help keep the Wise Wolf howling.
If this piece moved the needle for you, drop Molon a line and let him know. I am sure he’d love to know that 67,000 people now suspect he is a pedophile.
Wow. Last evening my very wise 41 year old son said "Notice what word the internet is using now to insult? Pedophile.Pedo.!" We are not fighting though against flesh and blood but "spiritual wickedness in high places". Praying for your surgery. Keep howling. Put on the full armor of God. Batten down the hatches. The storm is not coming, its here.
Perhaps Democrats should pass a law that you should have at least graduated high school before you can vote.