Testing, Testing, 1-2-3 (Please Ignore This Unless You’re a Glutton for Punishment)

Don't Read This. Seriously, Don't.

The Office was a show.

If you’re reading this, you are either one of my most disturbingly loyal subscribers or you accidentally clicked on this while trying to close a browser tab. Either way, welcome. You’re not going to learn anything today. This is not an investigation. There is no deep state revelation waiting at the bottom of this article. I am testing a piece of software I built and you are witnessing the digital equivalent of a mechanic turning the key to see if the engine starts.

Here’s what’s happening. I spend roughly 20 hours a week turning my Substack articles into YouTube videos that I never post.

Twenty hours. That is an entire full-time job dedicated exclusively to reformatting things I already wrote into a different shape so a different algorithm on a different platform will show it to a different set of eyeballs. This is what content creation has become in 2026 and it is slowly killing me. Not metaphorically. My ass has been in this office chair so long that it is literally imprinted into the memory foam like a fossil record of poor life decisions. Archaeologists will one day find this chair and use it to reconstruct my skeletal structure.

AI tokens are expensive when you are actually using AI the way it was intended to be used and not a ChatGPT prompt asking if The Wise Wolf is an idiot or not. Trust me, ‘I am’.

So I built a tool. Or more accurately, I spent several hundred dollars on AI tokens and vibe coded my way through enough code to Frankenstein together something that MIGHT be able to automate this process. My programming skills are, charitably speaking, “enthusiastic.”

I am the guy at the construction site who doesn’t know how to use the nail gun but is very confident about it. My hacker friends, the ones who actually know how to code, are rich enough to buy yachts. I live in a rundown motel room. We all started in the same IRC channels.

Life comes at you different depending on whether you chose “build things that make money” or “start a newsletter exposing government corruption.” I chose the one that doesn’t come with a yacht. Or health insurance.

Speaking of health insurance, which I do not have: my wisdom teeth have been impacted since I was 14 years old. I am now old enough that this should have been dealt with approximately two decades ago. It was not dealt with because dealing with it costs money and I chose to be an independent investigative journalist, which is a career path roughly as lucrative as professional birdwatching except birdwatchers probably have dental coverage.

Thank God my teeth are not THAT bad. What the Hell man? How much meth did you smoke?

The infection from my teeth has spread to my heart. This is a real thing that is actually happening to me right now, today, while I sit here testing code. I am literally trying to automate my workflow fast enough to free up time to not die. That is the current situation. That is where we are.

Anyway this article exists purely to see if my converter tool can turn it into a watchable video without bursting my laptop into flames or producing something that sounds like a robot reading a ransom note. If it works, it saves me 20 hours a week. If it doesn’t work, I wasted another weekend and several more dollars I don’t have.

Either way you just read 500 words of a man beta testing software while his heart slowly fills with bacteria.

Thanks for being here. You are a deeply strange person for reading this and I appreciate you more than you know.

Help keep the Wise Wolf howling.

If you want to see what the Frankenstein’s Monster I coded actually DID with this article after about 10 consecutive hours of beta testing and prompt-engineering… Check out below!

Here is another one I made using my friend Ethan’s Epstein article.