The Epstein Files Have a Pizza Problem

"Yeah, That's the Pizza" and Other Sentences That Should Put People in Prison

Someone sent Epstein an image titled “The pizza monster.” He replies: “She looks pregnant.” The sender clarifies: “You mean radiating a soft glow with the look of bliss and excitement. Yeah, that’s the pizza.” If you’ve spent any time on the internet, you know what “cheese pizza” means…

I was sober for years. Then I read the Epstein files. The actual files, not the news summaries. And I went out, bought a gallon of whiskey, and spent a week so drunk I couldn’t remember my own middle name because the alternative was a complete mental breakdown and liquor stores don’t require a copay.

I’m not proud of it. But these documents are the kind of material that makes sobriety feel like a practical joke God plays on people who are trying really hard to be good.

Three million pages. The DOJ released three million pages of Epstein documents. And the pizza emails are somehow the thing that finally broke me.

She Looks Pregnant

Someone sends Epstein an image. Subject line is “The pizza monster.” Shocked emoji. Sent from my iPhone, like every piece of casual horror in the modern age.

Epstein replies. Two words. “She looks pregnant.”

SHE.

Pizza is not a she. Pepperoni is not a she. A large two-topping with extra cheese has never once been pregnant in the entire history of Italian cuisine.

The sender clarifies. “You mean radiating a soft glow with the look of bliss and excitement. Yeah, that’s the pizza.”

When I describe pizza, I usually go with “hot” or “greasy” or “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing and now I hate myself.” Never once in my life have I described a pizza as radiating a soft glow. Never once have I noted that my pizza looks pregnant. Because that’s insane. Because pizza doesn’t do that.

Because this isn’t about pizza.

Name that Pizza: If you know who that monster is leave a comment with the answer and I will give you a free year of paid access.

If you’re still telling yourself this is about actual food, I envy you. I wish I could live in that world. It seems peaceful there.

Thank You For Letting Us Do That

It’s not one email. It’s dozens.

Roy Hodges, March 2013. “I wanted to let you know the crew really appreciated the pizza today. Thank you for letting us do that.”

Thank you for LETTING us.

Since when do you need permission to eat pizza? Since when do you formally thank someone for the privilege of consuming Italian food? What kind of pizza requires authorization from Jeffrey Epstein?

The kind that isn’t pizza. That’s what kind.

Another one. “This is better than a Chinese cookie. See attached. Let’s go for pizza and grape soda again. No one else can understand.”

No one else can understand.

A golden retriever understands eating pizza. My neighbor’s four-year-old who eats crayons for fun understands eating pizza. But THIS pizza requires specialized knowledge that “no one else” possesses.

Daphne Wallace emails at 6 PM. “May I bring in your slice of pizza to you?”

She emailed. To ask permission. To bring pizza. Instead of just walking in with a plate like a normal person holding actual food. She’s asking permission like she’s approaching a throne. Like she’s presenting an offering.

Because she probably was.

The FBI Codename Was Operation Leap Year

Someone sends an email with the subject “Slicing a pizza.” Body just says “hilarious” with an image attached. This gets forwarded around until it reaches former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak, who passes it to Epstein with “just FYI.”

Former.

Prime.

Minister.

Slicing a pizza…?

(Hilarious until you realize they are likely talking about dismembering a child in an occult ritual. We won’t ever know though because the photo was redacted.)

Epstein responds. “Funny. Equivalent to people that feel that on leap year they get an extra day.”

The FBI’s codename for their investigation into Jeffrey Epstein was Operation Leap Year.

A former head of state and a child sex trafficker passing around images of “slicing pizza” and making puns about the active FBI investigation into their child sex trafficking. They think it’s FUNNY. They’re so untouchable, so completely insulated from consequences, that they’re cracking jokes about Operation Leap Year while Operation Leap Year is happening.

Nothing happened to them. That’s the punchline. The actual punchline to their actual joke is that they got away with it.

The Skype Contact Named Torture

Epstein had a Skype contact saved as “torture.” Not a person whose name sounds like torture. The literal word TORTURE sitting in his contact list like that’s a normal thing normal people have.

He messaged this contact. “I am still waiting and watching the melting cheese drip.”

Maybe he was making fondue with a friend who has an unusual name. Maybe billionaires communicate exclusively in serial killer poetry and I’m just not cultured enough to appreciate it.

Or maybe the guy who ran an international child trafficking ring was describing exactly what it sounds like he was describing.

Another email. Epstein suggests “How about a hit list for next subjects to ice cream boarding, my version of torture.”

His friend asks what ice cream boarding is.

Epstein explains. “Waterboarding with ice cream.”

Ice cream is slang for methamphetamine. This is discussing forcibly overdosing “subjects” with meth as torture. Subjects. Not people. Subjects. Like rats in a lab.

This is in the DOJ files. This is evidence. The government collected this, released this, and has prosecuted two people total.

Baal Worship With Better Branding

I’ve studied the occult for twenty years. Not because I think it’s cool. Because the Bible says this stuff is real and I figured I should probably understand how the enemy operates. Turns out the enemy has been running the same business model since Babylon and nobody bothered to update the branding.

Suffering generates power in these systems. Not metaphorically. Literally. The torture of innocents produces spiritual energy that practitioners harvest for their rituals. The more innocent the victim, the more power generated. The more prolonged the suffering, the better. Children are the most innocent victims available.

This is Baal worship. This is Moloch. This is the religion God told the Israelites to wipe off the face of the earth. They didn’t finish the job. Three thousand years later we’re reading DOJ documents about billionaires and their pizza.

The abuse isn’t depravity for depravity’s sake. It’s worship. It’s practice. It’s how they charge their spiritual batteries. The ultimate ritual is sacrifice and consumption. You think “spirit cooking” was performance art? You think the “cannibal” jokes in Hollywood are edgy humor? These people EAT CHILDREN because it gives them power. In their ‘religion’, it does.

The code words aren’t just misdirection. Calling victims “pizza” strips their humanity as a spiritual act. Same reason Moloch’s priests called the kids they burned “seeds” instead of sons and daughters. The language IS the magic. The dehumanization IS the point.

I know how this sounds. I’m the guy who fell off the wagon reading government PDFs about cheese dripping for contacts named torture. I’m fully aware that “the global elite are satanic pedophile cannibals practicing Babylonian mystery religion” sounds like something a crazy person yells on a street corner.

Crazy street corner guy doesn’t usually have three million pages of DOJ evidence backing him up. I do.

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Why Nothing Ever Happens

The system isn’t failing. The system is working exactly as designed.

The people running the investigations worship the same god as the people being investigated. The judges, the prosecutors, the politicians, the intelligence agencies. They’re not incompetent. They’re complicit. Coven members protecting other coven members.

Witchcraft is the fastest growing religion in the Western world right now. Every teenage girl on TikTok doing tarot readings and manifesting with crystals is playing with the junior varsity version of what these billionaires practice at the professional level. The normalization is intentional. Gateway drugs for gateway rituals. By the time someone’s ready for the real thing, they’ve been marinating in the theology for years.

The people in these emails know exactly what they’re doing. They’re not confused seekers. They’re priests. They’re the inner circle of a cult running civilizations since Nimrod built his tower and humanity first decided maybe God wasn’t the only game in town.

That’s what the pizza emails are about.

Ancient Babylonian child sacrifice religion wearing a suit and using food words so nobody takes it seriously.

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I had a career once. Clients. Money. A future that didn’t involve reading about melting cheese at 2 AM while calculating how much longer my liver I got before my liver fails from 15 years of alcoholism before I got ‘sober-ish’.

Now I’m sitting here freshly off the wagon with a laptop full of nightmares, trying to explain to normal people that the ruling class practices ancient Babylonian religion and uses food words for children. My only evidence is three million pages of government documents that everyone seems determined to ignore.

Lily’s almost done with journalism school. She doesn’t want loans. I can’t afford doctors. The newsvan remains imaginary. And we keep doing this anyway because somebody has to translate the horror for people who have better things to do than read DOJ file dumps about pizza that isn’t pizza.

Subscribe if you want. Share if you can’t afford that. Either way, you know what I know now.

Welcome to hell. The pizza here is terrible.

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Sources

I’m not making any of this up.

DOJ Epstein Files Library (full searchable database of all released documents) https://www.justice.gov/epstein

Operation Leap Year document (FBI codename for the Epstein investigation) https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet%209/EFTA00223932.pdf

DOJ Disclosures page (Data Sets 9, 10, 11, and 12 contain the emails referenced in this article) https://www.justice.gov/epstein/doj-disclosures

Read them yourself. Verify everything. I’ll wait.

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Help keep the Wise Wolf howling.