Stop Eating Kids Hollywood

And They Laughed Because They Thought He Was Joking

Hey, you reading this. I know how this looks. This sounds like something you would find sandwiched between a Bat Boy sighting and a photo of Bigfoot pumping gas in Tulsa on the cover of the National Enquirer.

Believe me, I remember what it felt like to be normal. I even had a real job once. I managed money for people who had more square footage than some European countries and I was on track to never have to worry about a light bill again.

Then I became a ‘professional’ occult investigator and amateur biblical scholar, which as career pivots go, has not been great for the retirement fund. This gig does not pay well, folks. I have been one utility bill away from homelessness more times than I can count, and when you have spent that long staring into the financial toilet, you start questioning things that comfortable people with functioning furnaces would never dream of questioning.

Here is what happens when you spend eight hours a day for a decade reading ancient spellbooks, medieval cou…