The Wise Wolf Solves the Entire Illegal Immigration Problem in 10 Minutes

No it does not involve giving them all citizenship and yes it costs you less than what we are doing right now

Nobody needed a genius to solve illegal immigration. They needed an idiot larping as a wolf with nothing but common sense and a bus schedule.

Lily and I lost 36 paid subscribers this week. Not from naming names in an investigation and not from anything I wrote about the beast system or the people building it. We lost them over two articles about a six year old girl named Martina who spent six months locked inside an ICE detention center illegally. We lost them over what I am about to state plainly right here in the opening paragraph so that nobody gets to claim later that they missed it.

The illegal immigration crisis in the United States was engineered deliberately from start to finish by people getting very rich off of it.

Six months of her one and only childhood spent inside a facility she should never have set foot in. She is not a tragic outlier who slipped through some crack in a system that otherwise works fine. Martina is one of an estimated six thousand children currently sitting in what any honest person would call a prison at a cost running somewhere between two hundred and three hundred dollars per day per person. Do that math slowly and let the number settle on you before you read another line. We are paying hotel rates to warehouse children.

Somehow 36 paid subscribers and Lord only knows how many free ones read two articles about a six year old girl in a cage and decided that Jesus Christ wants kids locked in prison because their parents hopped over a border illegally during a stretch of years when that border was basically wide open. Martina did not hop over anything. She was carried across by adults making a decision she had no say in whatsoever and no capacity to consent to. Half a year of her childhood got taken as payment for it while every person who built this system and profits from it paid absolutely nothing.

Illegal Immigration Was Engineered on Purpose

I want to be very clear about something before anybody accuses me of being naive about how any of this works. Illegal immigration in this country is not a crisis that snuck up on anybody while the adults in the room were distracted and it is not a system that broke down under pressure. The illegal immigration problem was manufactured on purpose and every single piece of it functions exactly the way it was intended to function right down to a six year old girl sleeping under a foil blanket in a facility that bills you three hundred dollars a day for the privilege of keeping her there.

So why? Is it some ‘demoncratic’ conspiracy to break America from the inside? A scheme to manufacture a new voting bloc and ride it back into power? Some nefarious operation to destroy the country using a veritable army of working class poor who are doing nothing more complicated than trying to get a better life for themselves and their kids the same exact way your ancestors did when they showed up here a hundred or two hundred years ago with nothing but a bag and a name nobody could pronounce?

The answer is none of the above and the real one is dumber and uglier than anything on that list.

This is a money making scam, plain and freaking simple.

Republicans and Democrats are both invested in the companies running these detention facilities and they are making an enormous amount of money off housing human chattel inside them. That is not a metaphor I reached for because it sounded dramatic. Bodies go in, a per diem gets billed to the taxpayer and a dividend comes out the other end every quarter like clockwork.

Think it through for one second. If the Republicans genuinely wanted these people gone from American soil, why are they keeping them locked in cages month after month after month on the public dime? Removal is cheap compared to indefinite storage and indefinite storage is the actual product being sold here. This is basic stuff and you do not have to be a ‘genius’ (Lily Edit: heavy on the delusions here…) like the Wise Wolf to put two and two together and arrive at four.

You just have to stop letting Fox News do your thinking for you. That network is owned by the same billionaire class currently making money off ICE detentions. And before anybody on the other side starts nodding along too enthusiastically, CNN is owned by that exact same class of people. We do not play to either party at the Wise Wolf because both parties are complete dogshit at this point and exist for one purpose only. Keeping the average American screaming at his neighbor over petty issues while the people in power rob them blind and point at terrorists or illegal immigrants or poor people on food stamps as the cause of all the problems in America. Those groups all make easy victims and even easier scapegoats.

How The Wise Wolf Solves the Entire Illegal Immigration Problem in 10 Minutes

If the government actually cared about illegal immigration as a problem to be solved rather than a revenue stream to be milked, this thing would have been over years ago. The fix requires no new technology and no new law and not one original idea. You put these people on a bus or a plane and you send them back to their home country inside of a week from the day ICE scoops them up. That is the entire policy and it fits on an index card with room left over.

So give me ten billion dollars. I mean that literally and the arithmetic behind it is not complicated enough to require a think tank, a blue ribbon commission or eighteen months of congressional hearings. Hand me the money and give me thirty days and every single person ICE is currently holding gets sent back to the country of their origin.

The shopping list runs about four lines long. A hundred Greyhound buses and half a dozen air cargo planes leased for twelve months the way any sane operation with an end date would do it. Nobody needs to own a single vehicle here and nobody needs a permanent government fleet sitting in a lot somewhere for the next forty years. A few garages to keep the fleet moving and mechanics working inside those garages. Drivers for the buses and pilots for the planes and a scheduler or two who can read a map and a manifest.

This is how you solve illegal immigration and it doesn’t involve locking six-year old kids in a prison cell or cost three hundred bucks per day, per person.

Now understand exactly what that is and what it very much is not. That is not a new federal agency and it is not a permanent workforce and it is not another department that outlives everybody who created it. Every job on that list is temporary work on a temporary operation with an expiration date stamped on it from the first morning. Six months to a year from the date of program inception it would be done and over with (and probably a good deal less than that once the routes are dialed in.) The buses roll, the planes fly, the last name on the last manifest gets home to his own country and the whole thing shuts down. The leases run out and the buses and planes go back to whoever we rented them from. The drivers and the pilots and the mechanics shake hands and go find other work. Thanks for the memories and see everybody in hell or wherever else we all end up.

My plan replaces thousands of permanent federal employees with a few hundred temps holding a six month contract. What we are doing instead is hiring ten thousand officers with pensions and unions and a budget line that grows every single year and every last one of them carrying a deep professional interest in making certain that the problem they were hired to solve never gets solved.

There is no need for detention facilities billing you two to three hundred dollars per person per day month after month after month for the service of keeping human beings inside a box.

There is no need for a six year old girl to spend half a year of her childhood locked up while adults argue over paperwork she is too young to read.

I want to remind some of you of something.

Before ICE picked these people up they were housing themselves, feeding themselves, clothing their own kids and paying rent every single month to American landlords out of wages they earned doing work most of you would not do for triple the money.

You were not paying a single nickel toward any of it. Neither was that brother in law of yours who will not shut up about illegal immigration over the family summer barbecue.

The moment ICE put them in a facility that changed completely and permanently. Now you pay for their food and their bed and their guards and their medical care plus the private detention company’s profit margin stacked on top of all of it at two to three hundred dollars a day per person for months on end.

So think about that for one honest minute, all you geniuses complaining about what illegal immigrants cost the American taxpayer. Most of them were covering their own bills right up until the day your government locked them in a cage and mailed the invoice to you.

Out of what we currently burn on detention beds and ICE officers in a month we could hand every man, woman and child we ship back a thousand dollars in Make America Great Again Fun Bucks® so they land in their home country with something in their pocket.

They get on their feet, they rebuild a life where they came from and they never need to sneak back into the United States five years later out of pure desperation.

The whole thing costs less than what the United States government sent to Israel last month to support their war in Iran and Lebanon. Ten billion dollars, a fleet of buses and planes and thirty days of logistics that any competent shipping company runs before lunch. Nobody stays in a cage and no detention corporation posts another record quarter off human misery.

Why It Will Never Happen

None of that has anything to do with feasibility. It will never happen for one reason only and that reason is that it would not make some guy worth five hundred million dollars any richer.

A solution that genuinely solves the problem is worthless to the people making money off human suffering because government is not in the business of solving problems.

Government is in the business of creating them.

Hegelian dialectics run the whole machine. You manufacture the problem, you stand back while the public works itself into a lather over the problem you manufactured, then you walk out with the solution you had drafted before any of it started and you collect the applause for saving everybody. Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel laid this out in the early 1800s and it has been sitting in every public library in America ever since free of charge in a section that most of the people currently lecturing me about Scripture and border policy have never once walked into. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Type those three words into a search bar tonight before you fire off another comment, then hold what you find up against the last ten years of American politics and tell me honestly that you do not recognize the shape of it.

What Actually Scares Me

I still cannot believe we lost 36 paid subscribers because I was critical of ICE. I cannot believe how many people took an article about small children in cages and treated it as an open invitation to spray racist vitriol across my comment section. What I really could not believe was how many of those people were claiming the name of Christ while telling a man who has pastored for twenty years that he is reading Christ’s message wrong. According to them Jesus would absolutely be out there standing against illegal immigration because He is a gun toting, money loving American just like they are.

Every one of those people sounds exactly like my father. I cannot stand being in the same room with my father for more than ten minutes because he is a racist, uneducated, vile, petty, greedy monster of a human being who at one point told me we should be handing out the death penalty to immigrants for the crime of crossing a border. Kids included in that sentence and he meant every syllable of it.

This is the America I always feared was coming. It looks less and less like the nation I grew up in and more and more like Germany in the 1930s. I am scared for where this country goes from here and I can at least understand the people in power being human garbage because that has been par for the course across the entire span of human history. What I cannot process is the average American citizen cheering for children in cages and then reaching for Scripture to justify it. To quote that one astronaut from Apollo 11, ‘Houston, we have a problem.’

Thirty six people cancelled a paid subscription over a six year old girl in a cage. The solution to the thing they claim to be angry about is sitting a few paragraphs above this one costed out and ready to roll. No fleet of buses or cargo planes touches the part of this problem that lives inside people who read about Martina and felt nothing at all.

That is pretty much all I have to say at this point. Thank you for staying to all my loyal readers who stuck around including the ones who do not agree with my stance on ICE. Lily and I really appreciate you being here.

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